Aeroplane story

WALT- Last week and this week we wrote some stories. We were trying to hook the reader in by using our senses.  We also had to proof read by checking for punctuation, sense, spelling, where we had to add some more details, and deleting some word that we don't need. Here is my aeroplane story.

CRASH! We landed on a desert. It was so hot, the aeroplane was destroyed. It
broke in half and all the stuff was broken. We could not go back to New
Zealand. Then I saw a lot of people died .

Suddenly I saw a Pyramid. I went inside with no one else. ‘Thud!’ the door
closed.

“OH NO” I said with a shock.  Suddenly I saw a door. I opened the door. There
was a cage with a Mummy, that was sleeping, in it. I slowly took the key, the
key looked like a mummy. “CRASH!” The cage opened.

“OH NO” I said. The Mummy shut the door and took the key from me.

Suddenly I saw a bow. I shot the mummy in his butt. “OWEE” the mummy said.  
I took the key off him. I ran as fast as I could. Suddenly I could see the exit. I
put the key inside the keyhole, then the door opened. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS
TO ME” said the mummy. I closed the door and locked it.

Then a helicopter came. BANG, the pyramid crashed down to the ground in a
big ball of dust and bricks. I ran to get in the helicopter.

I felt dry and wrinkled finger around my let.  “GOT YOU,” said the mummy

I kicked him in the tummy. “AHHH”

I run as fast as a tiger. Finally I went inside the helicopter. Suddenly it wasn’t
the helicopter pilot in the pilot’s seat, IT WAS THE MUMMY!!!.